And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
Randomize