I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
Randomize
