I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
be right there i have to get my cape
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
Randomize
