Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
Randomize