i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
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