You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
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