his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
Randomize
