he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
Randomize
