so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
I'm jealous of your bromance
I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
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