Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
