Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
Hello my rib-scented angel!
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
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