He said he was just looking at my pictures and was thinking about how he wanted to cut my hair..then dye it black and put platnium blonde extensions throughout it and layer my hair
So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
Randomize
