so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
Randomize
