What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
Randomize
