my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
Randomize
