i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
Randomize