I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
Randomize
