Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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