It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
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