I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Randomize
