Walk of Shame. In a state park.
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
Randomize
