Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
Is it penis luge time yet?
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
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