i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
Randomize
