I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Randomize
