were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
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