I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
Randomize
