Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
Randomize
