i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
Error 1684C: You're last text was undeeliverable. Subscriber is our to the aera.
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
I use my feet as sexual weapons
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
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