I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
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