I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
Randomize
