I wish my penis had an off switch
no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
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