so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
Randomize
