the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
Randomize
