So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Randomize
