Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize
