I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
Randomize
