Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
Randomize
