Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
