OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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