Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
Randomize
