You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
Randomize
