Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
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Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
Randomize
