Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
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