I got chris browned last night
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
Randomize
