well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Randomize
