i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
Randomize
