There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
Did you pee in the oven last night??
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
Randomize
