Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
Randomize
