My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
Randomize
