She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
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