the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
Still dying that you shit outside
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
Randomize
