mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
scale of 1-10 how well do I give head
5, but i have never had a 10. best was an 8 so if i grade you on a curve you are a 7. ish.
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
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