The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Randomize
