Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
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