Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Randomize
