Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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