So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
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